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Pit Stops:
The Trade of a Lifetime |
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A trader who spent his life trading in Chicago is waiting to be admitted to heaven, while St. Peter is leafing through the Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. St. Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life, but you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one really good deed that you did in your life, you're in." |
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The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the Lake Shore Drive and I saw what appeared to be a giant group of gang members assaulting this poor female runner. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about twenty of 'em torturing this girl. Infuriated, I got out of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the biker gang rapists formed a circle around me. Boy, was I ever scared. |
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So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, "Leave this poor innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!" |
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St. Peter, impressed, says, "Really? When did this happen?" |
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The guy replies, "Oh, about two minutes ago." |
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