|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The desire for the other person's money is envy in its most raw form, isn't it? Perhaps the only thing that even comes close is the desire to possess his or her alluring sexual partner. But when you've got that person's money, you've got a better chance of winning his or her partner or can attract an equally desirable one, if you wish. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
When we feel we are less because we have less, it's then common to think or say critical and disparaging things about how those we envy obtained what they have. We may gossip behind their back. Or if the envy is very strong and we can't contain it, we may say something directly to them or indirectly in the form of a snide remark. This makes it easier for us handle that they have something desirable that we want but don't have. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
All of this comparing to, feeling less than, criticizing, and trying to even the score is so our ego doesn't suffer what psychologists call narcissistic injury. It may be done consciously and intentionally or unconsciously, just slipping out. The problem is that we end up equating what the other person has that we don't with our sense of self-worth. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It's an old story: If you have a much larger and more extravagant house than I do, a much fancier car, are able to enjoy travel to exotic places, wear more expensive clothes, and have many playthings that make life more stimulating and enriching, somehow I end up twisting my thinking and take this to mean that you a more valuable person. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I don't simply say you must be having more fun in life than I am, which may or may not be true, as we all know or know of rich but unhappy people. Or say you must be suffering less from the harsh realities of life, which is probably true. If I stayed with this, I would be on reasonably firm ground. But I take it furtherand this next step is the psychological kiss of death. I actually convince myself that all this stuff makes you a more worthy and valuable human being. And if you happen to be famous, in addition to your stuff, well, that's just more than I can handle! "You've got it, and I want it." That's the tune of envy. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Most of us try to fight this kind of thinking and emotional reactivity. We do our best to realize that the measure of who we are as human beings transcends our material wealth and lifestyle. And a part of us really does believe it. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Perhaps we strive to live a good, ethical, and caring life, giving something back to others in some form. We realize that doing so |
|
|
|
|
|